Lyrics
Which Leg of a Chicken is More Tender?
My best friend's going crazy. What she asked was so amazing
Back from holiday she put a strange riddle to me
It had something to do with a chickens body
a reply I could not find I could not send up to her
Which leg of a chicken is more tender?
the left one came a smug reply. The thing about the smiths was just a lie.
please let me get what I want this time lord knows it would be the first time
lord knows it would be the first time
Back from holiday she put a strange riddle to me
It had something to do with a chickens body
a reply I could not find I could not send up to her
Which leg of a chicken is more tender?
She'll wrote a poem again tomorrow. She'll call it 'Ode to a Moro'
I eat them sacrilegiously, no religious chocolate zest apparently, no religious chocolate zest apparently
Back from holiday she put a strange riddle to me
It had something to do with a chickens body
a reply I could not find I could not send up to her
Which leg of a chicken is more tender?
Which leg of a chicken, Which leg of a chicken, Which leg of a chicken - is more tender?
p&c Niall Quinn 1989
All This
Everything
Hanging on emblems that make me look up to you
But I'm stone blind. I think i'll throw the book at you.
You know because I told you but you weren't listening,
didn't want to hear. I can't say I blame you.
But then again you probably would but I couldn't make you happy
but I probably could. And if you say when I'll be there
with the spots and the glasses and the horrible hair
for you -all this everything
for you -all this everything
for you -all this everything for you
Meet you at a coffee shop at eight forty-five
it's ten-fifteen and you haven't arrived
Stuck at home babysitting again.
If it was an accident I can't say I blame you
But then again -you probably would
But I couldn't make you happy but I probably could
and if you say when I'll be there
with the spots and the glasses and the horrible hair
for you -all this everything
for you -all this everything
for you -all this everything for you
p+c Niall Quinn 1988
Alice is Here
I've got a story to tell over a bottle of beer
it's all got to do with why Alice is Here.
I've got to tell all those who don't already know.
Won't take too much of your time this is how it goes.
Oh earth angel watch over me.
You've got a hundred million dollar curiosity
She's got spies to watch my every move baby.
I've got a story to tell over a bottle of beer
have you heard the news Alice is Here.
She's got spies to watch my every move baby.
Alice is psychotic needs to turn to narcotics
for her enforced terror has not yet begun.
I've got to tell all those who don't already know.
Won't take too much of your time this is how it goes.
She ventured into rooms
She jumped from stair to stair
and there was no escape she got in everyones hair
she blew up buildings, killed some children who were in there.
Oh earth angel watch over me.
You've got a hundred million dollar curiosity
She's got spies to watch my every move baby.
I've got a story to tell over a bottle of beer
have you heard the news Alice is Here.
She's got spies to watch my every move baby.
Alice is an expert in the art of persuasion
her power so great has engulfed every nation
her expertise causes deep meditation.
Your mind swims and your blood flows.
p+c Hoss Carnage/Eoin O'Kelly/Niall Quinn 1988
Blame It On His Hormones
A Chemical implant, a guilty defendant,
maybe he shouldn't have stood in her portico.
Thoughts of these things always invaded him
made him feel vulnerable when he'd get to bed.
One of these days, One of these days
he'll say the right thing, he could be just anything
One of these days, One of these days
he'll say the wrong thing. Turn into a chemical.
Standing in her portico admiring her brand new coat. He's been
Standing in her portico admiring her brand new coat
Blame it on his hormones. (x5)
When he'd get to bed.
Tries to look tired. He tries to look comfortable.
He tries to look vulnerable, none of them works for him.
One of these days. One of these days
he'll say the right thing, he could be just anything
One of these days. One of these days
he'll take the wrong pill. Turn into a chemical.
Standing in her portico admiring her brand new coat. he's been
Standing in her portico admiring her brand new coat
Blame it on his hormones (x5)
When he'd get to bed.
Blame it on his hormones (x5)
When he'd get to bed.
Chemical implant, a guilty defendant,
every room is another room yeah.
p+c Hoss Carnage/Eoin O'Kelly/Andy Gallagher/BennyMcCormack/Niall Quinn 1990
Dirty Diane the Deceased
Citroen
I Laid a friend to rest today
I'd have done it long ago if she had had her way
She took her last unleaded breath
Said her goodbyes before her death
and I know yes I know she'll be happy where she's going to go
No more engine freezing ice and snow or paint cracking sun
and I'm pleased up to my knees a little sad that she's gone from me
the life and soul of all my parties won't come back home. come back home.
We drove from Salthill down to
Cobh
her engine smouldered like a stove
We drove from Kilkee down to Kenmare
She was dying and she knew it but she didn't care
all those times that I cried
from the very sad day she died
couldn't fix her even if I tried shes dead and gone
we were in love so very deep. From the bottom of her chassis
But when her chassis broke it hurt you see
broke her in half. broke her in half.
We drove from Salthill down to
Cobh
her engine smouldered like a stove
We drove from Kilkee down to Kenmare
She was dying and she knew it but she didn't care
She didn't care. She didn't care.
She didn't care.
She didn't care.
I Laid a friend to rest today
p+c Niall Quinn/Benny McCormack 1989
Holy Spirit Level
Has anyone seen my holy spirit level-level, level-level
Has anyone seen my holy spirit level-level, level-level
Granny came home from church in tears
She'd been deposed by her own peers
Sent 'round the Sheriff, Sent 'round the warden
And it's no consolation that there may be a florists on what was her garden
Has anyone seen my holy spirit level-level, level-level
Has anyone seen my holy spirit level-level, level-level
Shopping under one roof for all the grown ups
Have a protest march Ten people showed up
Send 'round your kids so we can kill them
Because there's no zebra-crossing whatsoever, not even a playing field for the children
Has anyone seen my holy spirit level-level, level-level
Has anyone seen my holy spirit level-level, level-level
p&c Niall Quinn 1991
Longines
Silent people board the bus every day at noon.
So far away you're in another room, another room
where you sing another tune.
Rational man when will you understand?
Your cross is burned but you've still returned
I can do without your gloom
So far away you're in another room, another room
where you sing another tune.
Clock ticking on the wall reminds me of the ticking of your heart.
Incessant imagery denies me any glimpse of real reality.
So far away you're in another room, another room
where you sing another tune.
You're so big and I'm so small it's quantity
Clock ticking on the wall reminds me of the ticking of reality
p+c Andy Gallagher 1991
Red Mohair Jumper
I woke up this morning feeling quite sickly
I felt better soon in fact felt better quickly
put on my red jumper and it's mohair and tickly y'know.
Cut myself shaving while mam made my sandwich.
I bled and said shit, she sais Niall mind your language.
Please hold my throat closed while i go find a bandage said I.
Opened the door and stepped into the morning.
Sunlight hit me straight in the eyes without warning.
Looked to the east where a new sun was born in the sky.
Sap happy scents that rise up to our noses.
Those damn blasted rabbits got at my poor roses.
I hope the little bastards catch miximatosis and die.
You said what a horrible thing to say.
Who the hell asked you anyway.
I'm wearing my red mohair jumper today.
You hold the trump card, you took the big bite.
you hold the baby and I'll take the next flight.
I'm wearing my red mohair jumper today.
p&c Niall Quinn 1991
She'll Be Sorry
When the news of the world links me up with some girl from page three
and there's a carefully doctored photo of her sitting on my knee.
When I'm sitting in my tudor gothic kitchen in Hello
and my wife is younger than my kids
-she's the third one don't you know.
Converse boots with Armani suits and sickening logos
When the double album's in at number one with no worries and
we're doing the world tour and it's all hurry hurry hurry
and our equipment fits into twenty-seven lorries.
She'll be Sorry
When my index interview is in the NME
and I'm making cameo appearances in fair city.
When I'm talking about the drugs and drinking with Geraldo
I'd like to welcome our next guest onto the Late-Late Show,
His life is back together since he stopped snorting the snow.
When the double album's in at number one with no worries and
we're doing the world tour and it's all hurry hurry hurry
and our equipment fits into twenty-seven lorries.
She'll be Sorry
Ready-Steady-Go
(She'll be Sorry)
When I steal the show
(She'll be Sorry)
When I'm on Death Row
(She'll be Sorry)
When I'm on Glenroe
(She'll be Sorry)
She'll be Sorry (x4) Sorry
p+c Niall Quinn 1992
Emily The Pig
There are Bubbles in the water,
glass upon the beach.
On the beach she can be slaughtered
but there's safety in the sea.
But the sea is but a window
A window she could dig.
So Emily turned into
an aquatic submarpig.
She moved into the ocean
and swam with lots of trout.
They thought she was a salmon
turned completely inside out
and I never will forget her
for the things she said to me.
She'd let me play no other
than a friend for Emily.
p+c Niall Quinn 1990
Killed It With My Bare Hands
Now she's doing Liberace on the controls for the TV
coz she knows Noel Edmonds's on after the news.
And she'd truly madly deeply like to cut his friggin' head off
but she thinks her actions may be misconstrued.
Coz all her family love him and they'll never understand
If her big sister just off the telephone
Then she wouldn't have to sit around and be assimilated on her own.
No she doesn't want to sit around and be assimilated on her own.
In the paper that she's reading are four pages of death notices
for bleeding hearts with little else to do.
Someone out there sadly missed by family and emplyees
a fine gentlman to everyone he knew.
Except his missus she was having an affair
and she really doesnt really care
in fact she's kind of glad he's gone.
But she doedsn't want to sit around and be
assimilated on her own.
no she she doesn't want to sit around and be assimilated on her own.
p&c Niall Quinn 1996
You Can Only Love Someone So Much
But You Can Hate Them All The Way To Hell.
You Can Only Love Someone So Much (x4)
But You Can Hate Them All The Way To Hell (x4)
You Can Only Love Someone So Much (x4)
But You Can Hate Them All The Way To Hell (x4)
You Can Only Love Someone Y'Know (x4)
But You Can Hate Them All The Way To Hell (x4)
p+c Niall Quinn 1995
Strachan
She waited for the match to start
to start a fight up with me.
She said, "what's that you're watching?",
"It's a Programme about art".
She said, "A Programme about art?", I said
"A programme about art" and then the greatest
midfield artist of them all walked out onto the park.
The crowd were on their feet and they whistled and
they cheered for the tiny wee Scotsman
with the copper coloured hair.
She said, "You just don't care, You never listen you know"
Lukic out to Wetherall and Wetherall to Dorigo.
Dorigo knocks it on to Fairclough, Fairclough looks for Speed.
Now she's ranting like a lunatic, "I'm switching off that telly".
"Look at me while I'm talking to you!"
To Strachan now -puts Kelly through
There's one man pulling all the strings and twenty-two
know damn well who.
The air begins to thicken. Inside the box Strachan has stricken
The gap unfilled -he makes the kill -One-Nil
She waited for the match to start
to start a fight up with me.
She said, "what's that you're watching?",
"It's a Programme about art".
She said, "A Programme about art?", I said
"A programme about art" and then the artist
tackles perfectly and floats over the park
to the waiting Rodney Wallace who knocks
it back in to Deane and now the Deane Machine
to McAllister and McAllister's just seen
that Gordon Strachan slipped his marker
and he's free now in space
he's got 'em pouring forward spraying the ball
all over the place.
Now Gary Speed is involved again, he steadies the ball.
"am I talking to myself?", she says, "or talking to the wall?"
"Will you look at me while I'm talking to you!"
To Strachan now -puts Fairclough through
There's one man pulling all the strings and twenty-two
know damn well who.
The air gets even thicker.
The 'keepers quick -Gordon Strachan's quicker.
The gap unfilled -he makes the kill -Two-Nil.
She waited for the match to start
to start a fight up with me.
She said, "what's that you're watching?",
"It's a Programme about art".
"If you don't take your grief and bad vibes and get out of my face
I'm gonna sit right here and whistle my way through Melrose Place"
You could've lit the air in the room with a matchstick,
McAllisters cross sets up Strachans hat-trick
The gap unfilled -Strachans skill -Three-Nil
p+c Niall Quinn 1994
Line Dance Finals Massacre
It's just come on over the radio
that someone burst into a nightclub in town with a gun,
let fly into the crowd and now he's on the run.
It's just come on over the radio
that someone burst into a nightclub,
they were all dancing in a line,
pulled out an automatic and he let fly.
"Can you look into that camera Sir and tell me what you saw?",
"I saw a man wearing a Stetson -laughing, shooting down the door.
He came tearing 'cross that dance floor screaming on a motorbike
then he was gone, gone, gone.
It's just come on there on the TV that some guy
opened fire on a line dance -there's a bakers dozen dead.
Then he sped off out the back door and this is what he said.
He said, "Stop and take at yourselves ye look so stupid".
"Stop and take at yourselves ye look so stupid".
"Stop and take at yourselves ye look so stupid".
It's just come on over the radio
that someone burst into a nightclub in town with a gun,
let fly into the crowd and now he's on the run.
p & c Niall Quinn 1995
Big Mug
I'm looking down at you on the floor
wondering who's the mug here
Or who's the mugger more.
I'm looking down at you on the floor
wondering who's more broken
or who's more bloody sore.
I got you one year and you were so dear
you nearly brought me to tears.
I didn't use you at all. In the press by the wall. then you had to fall.
I'm looking down at you all in bits
wondering who's the mug here
wondering who the tag fits
I'm looking down at you all in bits
wondering who's more broken
or who's the worse for it.
How time has passed, the years go so fast.
I knew you couldn't last.
Then you had to go and let yourself flow
and let yourself flow
I'm looking down at you in your box
wondering who's the mug here
wondering if this is mock.
I'm looking down at you in your box
wondering who's more broken
wondering who's been more rocked.
I'm looking down at you on the floor
wondering who's the mug here
Or who's the mugger more.
I'm looking down at you on the floor
wondering who's more broken
or who's more bloody sore.
p+c Niall Quinn 1994
I Can't Breath In Outer Space
Alien why did you send those first
few signs to me
Alien you know I’ll send up going home alone like I always do
Over and over you keep coming over to chat me up then drop me down
Over and over I’m left feeling sober and stupid for ever believing
Heh Leanne, heh Leanne, heh Leanne what’s the matter
that you can’t take me seriously no
Heh Leanne heh Leanne, heh Leanne don’t you know
that you’re breaking me into small pieces breaking me in to small pieces
Taking me into outer space
Over and over I’ve gone through it over a million times a million ways
over and over I’m left feeling sober and stupid for ever believing
Heh Leanne, heh Leanne, heh Leanne what’s the matter
that you can’t take me seriously no
Heh Leanne heh Leanne, heh Leanne don’t you know that you’re
breaking me into small pieces breaking me in to small pieces
Taking me into outer space
P+C Hoss Carnage 1997
She Broke My Heart So I Ate Her
Liver
She broke my heart, I ate her liver
I dumped he r putrefying carcass in the river
I dumped her decomposing body in the water
Dimmed responsibility manslaughter
Well I put her in a grave and it was shallow
In a field a few miles yet from here near mallow
I put her in a grave and it was shallow
Just outside mallow just outside mallow
I got myself a rope a noose I knotted
And I put it round her neck and I garroted
For three or four square mile s they heard my laughter
while she dangled to and fro upon my rafters
Do you think that I have gone right off the track?
Do you think that my behaviour has been in anyway slack?
I only thought about it as I put my gun back on the rack
I remembered the front of her head explode out through the back
The guys said they should bless the hands that made them
Bless the hands they said that did create them
Yeah they said she’d tasty legs but I don’t rate them
And I should know coz I just barbequed and ate them
I stewed her innards stewed her innards
and I served them to my houseguests for their dinner
She broke my heart so I ate her liver
and dumped her putrefying carcass in the river
P+C Niall Quinn 1993